Sunday, June 17, 2007

H is for Horseradish

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When did our High Street become an assault course? I was focused on buying one thing, which was horseradish. I had even been tipped off by a neighbour that I could find the fiery roots in the local supermarket. But before I got there, I was stopped in my tracks. Three men dressed in commando jackets stood in my way. "Do you have paintballing needs?" What sort of a question is that? I told them firmly and politely that as yet I had not discovered a need for paintballing. I walked on. A minute later and a bright yellow t-shirt blocked my way, emblazoned with the words "Fighting Poverty." I side-stepped the yellow t-shirt man. I tried to refocus on the horseradish. But it didn't stop. As I approached the last bend with the supermarket sign in my sights, a small woman dressed in what looked like a patchwork quilt drifted out in front of me."Can I show you the way of true love?" she asked with staring eyes. "No", I said. She looked crestfallen. I marched into the supermarket, straight to the vegetables. I wouldn't have recognised the horseradish without the help of a label. They were thick, stumpy brown roots, tightly wrapped in cellophane. (Freddie thought they looked like wands from Hogwarts.) I bought them and headed home. In reverse order, the patchwork quilt woman and yellow t-shirt man tried once more to interrupt me. By the time I reached the paintball commandos, I took the horseradish root in my hand. "Do you have any horseradish needs?" I asked them. The commandoes were stumped. As I walked past them I overheard them muttering,"There are some real nutters round here."


  1. Ohhhh Brillant!!!! Thanks for the laugh. Must remember that the next time I am accosted on the High Street.

  2. Very cute!

    Don't skip haricots.

  3. !!! that looks dangerous Freddie!

    But just wait til you grate it - breathing apparatus is sometimes recommended!

    What are you going eat with the magic horseradish? (Obviously roast beef or cold beef is the classic combo) but it's fantastic with smoked mackerel or beetroot.


  4. What a trek you had! I am glad you fought back! Very amusing, although I am sure it was not very amusing for you!


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